There's No Place Like Home

Reyn and I made it home around 4PM yesterday after a couple of long days at Emory.  We are grateful that the tumor appears to be benign but we still have many questions that need to be answered.  Unfortunately it sounds like we may not have the answers to the biopsy until next week.  I am hoping we get a call this week but it seems in the medical field that everything moves at a snails pace.  At least they are thorough so we do appreciate that!  Reyn's staples will be in his head for 2 weeks to allow the incision site to heal completely.  For now he is looking for surgical caps to wear to work so he can cover the incision.  He is doing great and resting at home.  The doctor said he could return to work mid week but thankfully he is taking this week off of work so that he can catch up on sleep and continue to heal.  So that is the basic update for now.  Once we hear from the doctors I will let you all know.  I continue to be amazed at Reyn's outlook and overall attitude.  He told me on the way to Emory that this tumor might be the best thing that has ever happened to him.  He has such a peace with God right now and just wants to encourage others.  I would be lying if I said I haven't had my moments of doubt so I feel that given the events of this morning I must share this story with you.

I went to bed last night and woke up this morning completely pissed off at God...sorry, just no better way to describe it.  My thought this morning was... "I guess you hate me God and right now I don't particularly care for You so I guess that makes us even!"  I was mad that my 36 year old husband has a tumor, mad that my child woke up early (when I am so exhausted) with a fever and angry that our joy has been stolen by this tumor.  We should be celebrating and anticipating the arrival of our daughter and going to Christmas parties- but instead we are hanging out with nurses at 3AM!

As I took Jackson downstairs to eat I flipped on the TV and turned the channel to what should have been the Today Show but because it was early, Charles Stanley was ending his sermon and David Jeremiah was about to begin one.  I really wanted nothing to do with God for heaven's sake...that's why I was looking for the news but instead a small voice told me to leave the TV on this channel.  So I did and went about my business of preparing breakfast.  As I was stirring my child's oatmeal David Jeremiah came onto the screen and said, "Is fear threatening to steal your joy this season?"  To which I answered "YES" as I began to cry.  His upcoming message was titled "Why Christmas Conquers Fear" so I sat down and recorded his message because it was clear in that moment that God heard my cries and wanted to remind me of something.

He went onto tell the story of Zacharias and Elizabeth.  After 400 YEARS of silence from God (from the end of the Old Testament to the beginning of the New Testament) God answered their prayers for a child and it would be John the Baptist.  Their story is in Luke 1 if you care to read it.  But don't you think they believed at some point they had been forgotten??  Both of them were well beyond child bearing years but God created a miracle in her womb!

Then he went on to mention Hebrews 4:14-16-  "Therefore since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession.  For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin.  Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

God does sympathize with us and Jesus is our intercessor.  God was just reminding me that He hears me and He keeps His promises.  So many times in the Bible fear was a precursor to the blessing one was about to receive.  This is true in the story of Christmas, with Mary and the story of Zacharias.  So it reminded me that fear is normal.  But as Dr. Jeremiah stated- for a Christian fear can visit but it does not move in!  The opposite of fear is not courage, but LOVE and specifically Christ's love. 

So even though the great deceiver was whispering all kinds of evil and fear over me this morning I know and believe that Christ loves me.  He has a plan and ultimately we must trust Him!  So today I claim 1 John 4:18 and John 16:33.  I hope these verses can offer encouragement to you as well. 

1 John 4:18- There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.

John 16:33- These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace.  In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD.

Thank you for your continued support and for allowing me to share our story with you.

Love,

Jordan